Brighton Bard no. 10

Twin Towns

Daily Star Alternative

Brightonians, and 2 people from Hove, campaign for free flights to tropical Nicaraguan Islands after Brighton’s twin town status is revealed

Once this knowledge (which was found through extensive searching of the deep, dark web, a.k.a. page 2 of a google search) goes public, the following will occur.

Interior Car: A Saturday: Autumn 2018

Brian and Sheila, mid 30’s, (currently enjoying human form again, see post 2) are driving to enjoy a day out in Brighton. They are just good friends and have been for about 15 centuries (post 9). The whole journey has so far been in glorious sunshine and they are looking forward to an Autumn picnic at the seaside, with their new picnic rug.

Unfortunately, as they pass through the south downs, just 2 miles from the coast, the weather changes instantly to a fine mist and irritating drizzle that is set in for the day.

But they are cheerful, calm souls, probably due to their pre-existence as Buddhist monks and whilst Sheila has been driving, Brian has passed the time making origami cranes which he has an outstanding talent for (post 9). In fact, the whole of the back seat of the car is covered with beautiful, colourful origami creatures. Some would find this obsession creepy and a potential sign of mental instability, but luckily, not Sheila.

Sheila has a distinct sense of déjà vu (9) as the car is approaching the Brighton gates - which aren’t actually gates, but stone pillars laid in 1928 across the once single track into the town (cheeky fact popped in there!) when she notices a sign-writer, adding the finishing touches to a ‘twined with…’ sign. It reads:

BRIGHTON

TWINNED WITH THE CORN ISLANDS

Sheila almost crashes the car, which would have only been a shunt as they are now stationary in traffic.

Sheila

Brian! Do you see that sign?

Brighton is twinned with the Corn Islands!

Brian

Where the f**k are the Corn Islands?

Sheila

Off the coast of Nicaragua.

Used to be known as the Mosquito coast.

Brian

Oh yes, the film with Harrison Ford as a

mad inventor with an ice machine.

I know where they are now.

Brian cont.

Why are towns twinned at all?

Sheila

Town twining started in the 10th century and became prolific

after the second world war to promote peace

and reconciliation and to encourage trade deals.

Brian

Do the Corn Islanders really want Brighton rock and maybe a bit

of the derelict West Pier?

Sheila

There is also meant to be some geographical similarities which means that

although the Corn Islands are tropical, maybe they also have

diseased Elms and pebble beaches rather than palm trees and sand.

Brian

You are so knowledgeable Sheila!

Sheila

Swindon is twinned with Disney World Florida.

Brian

No?

Maybe Swindonians get a discount there.

Sheila

Birmingham and Milan,

Bolton and Le Mans.

Brian

Stop!

Sheila

Grimsby and ..

Brian

No actually stop!

You almost hit the car in front.

Sheila

Oh sorry. Why do I know so much about this subject?

They both watch the sign writer complete her painting of the Nicaraguan flag as the traffic creeps forward.

Sheila

I’ve just had a thought Brian.

You need to set aside your Orgami ambitions and

re-train as a sign-writer.

Brian

Why?

No one else can make a ‘crane’ out of

re-folding a picnic rug.

Sheila

Because after Brexit, I presume all the UK towns will be de-twinned

with Europe and all the signs will have to be re-made.

Especially in France.

We could tour Europe re-painting as we go.

Brian

That is actually a very good idea.

The traffic slowly moves forward.

Same Day: Little Corn: Corn Islands

Sheila-Maria and her good friend Brian-Jose are strolling to the beach, looking forward to a picnic on their new picnic rug, when they notice a new sign erected at the footpath to the beach .

CIUDAD GEMELA

BRIGHTON

Sheila-Maria

Donde esta f**k el Brighton?