Brighton Bard no. 16

3 days till Retoxuary!

Daily Star alternative:

Local cow overheard saying ‘I can’t wait to end Veganuary and eat my friend Brian’s rump - medium-rare with some chips.’

Why do the months ending in 'UARY’ and ‘BER’ get all the life-changing challenges and

sponsored charity events?

This post addresses this inequality for the monosyllabic months, July and August.

It is not an extensive list though, as nothing works for March and April. And unlike the ‘official’ monthly commitments, these are all about over-indulging.

‘Retoxuary’– oh exactly as it says. Get ready to celebrate February 1st by eating a live chicken

with 3 litres of wine.

‘Go Gay for May’

Maybe this is actually a thing? Anyway it should be, whether it is undertaken as a frame of mind or an exploration of sexual orientation, going ‘Gay for May’ could absolutely be a hit.

On a bad heterosexual tinder date? Declaring dedication to going ‘Gay for May’ will get you home quickly.

‘Tune’

Embrace all things musical in June.

Commit to seeing gigs you’d never consider going to normally whilst wearing a t-shirt saying:

‘If it wasn’t for TUNE, I wouldn’t be here.’

Be prepared to get hit.

‘Doughly’ (pronounced ‘Dough- lie’)

A Brighton Bard favourite! Yes with 5 jam doughnuts increasing slightly in price from post 1 but still only 70p, ‘Doughly’ is a simple month of doughnuts. Perfect for a hot day - simply swap a melty Mr. Whippy with a flake for a 'classic' jam (or custard if you must).

‘Smorgust in August’. Over indulge on smorgasbords of surf, turf, mung beans and cake.

‘Gintember’ will see out the Summer and welcome in Autumn. Try to get through all 95 gin brands in 30 days. Now that is a challenge worth getting sponsored for.

Book yourself into a local A.A. group for October where you can also observe Stoptober and get ready to grow a moustache for Movember. The halcyon days of 'Dough-lie' will be a distant memory.