Brighton Bard no. 4

Ode to Saga Noren

Daily Star alternative:

‘Brighton Bard arrested for shockingly bad poetry in Sweden

or was it Denmark?’

Oh Saga, I wish, I wish I could be like you,

Just for a day, or a week or two

Telling people how it is, with no sense of shame

I’m Saga and will not, cannot be tamed!

Quick B.B.note – decent poetry is really hard to write!! New found respect for Pam Ayres.

I can’t even do:

There was a young man from Brighton

Who wanted his jeans to be tightened

Then what – f**k knows

Back to Saga.

If I was Saga, I could get away for a day

Comments I have wanted for years to say

‘Your child is so talentless, there really is no way

You should spend more money for Jonny to play

The piano, violin or ukulele’ * (* delete as required )

No British politeness for my Swedish heroine

Just ‘F**k me, this food is gross, did it come from a tin?’

As you explain it took hours to prepare and cook

Our Saga says, ‘Too bad, because it’s worse than it looks!’

Just cut to the chase, no point in chatting

No need for small talk or feigned interest in anything

I’m Saga you know, I can’t be bothered to stay

And hear you drone on about your child’s model in clay

(that they so obviously didn’t make)

But most of all I admire, your intolerance for stupidity,

Like you Saga, I cannot bear idiocy!

Hence restraining orders on me against estate agents and others

Many of whom are my children friend’s mothers

Oh Saga, now that you’ve gone off T.V.

I’ve decided to morph into you, you’ll be happy to see

Answering rhetorically questions with factual retorts

All I need now is a green coloured Porsche!

Oh come on! ‘Retort’ nearly rhymes with ‘Porsche’ – say it quickly.